Fonk is a natural force occuring in the astral realm. Fonk occurs when a string in the fabric of spacetime is plucked at a frequency of 20*10-7 to 1.56Hz, creating a fonky wave. Depending on the location of the astral string, the properties of the fonk can differ greatly.

Fonk is classified into various varieties based off its dimensional origin point. The most common varieties are:

  1. 4th dimensional fonk - occurs at 5*10-5Hz to 6*10-5Hz and typically causes the least effects on its environment in certain quantities
  2. 5th dimensional fonk - occurs at 5*peepoopoo to 7*10-3Hz
  3. 6th dimensional fonk - occurs at yourmomlol to 420*1069Hz. Is often the most dangerous form of fonk commonly experienced in the astral realm

Causes and physical mechanisms

The fabric of spacetime is composed of thousands upon millions of strings. When one of these strings is plucked (the cause for this is not yet known, although lower-dimensional influences are a growing theory) at a specific vibration (this vibration is called the pluck interval) it causes a fonk wave. Depending on the amplitude of the wave produced by the plucked string, the amount of fonk produced can vary.

Given the amplitude a, the wavelength λ, and the frequency f, one can measure the amount of fonk in grooves with the arschkriecher equation:


Fonk was first detected by noted astral scientist Wilfried M. Arschkriecher when one day his breakfast was absolute trash. His toast was burnt, his eggs were undercooked, and his tea was bitter, despite putting in his usual amount of sugar. Instead of blaming this conundrum on his cooking abilities, Arschkriecher blamed the universe. And was somehow right.

Getting to work, Arschkriecher put his breakfast in an easy bake oven, instead of in the trash where it belonged, and immediately found it had no effect, other than the damage of his daughter's favorite toy, that monster. His daughter, Wilena M. Arschkriecher, never forgot this day and when William was on his deathbed, Wilena made 40 overcooked pieces of toast, 40 pounds of undercooked eggs, and an entire cauldron of undercooked tea and fed it to her father. Her father then swelled up and exploded.

Third dimensional scientific discoveries are so boring with their pussy-ass "Oh I'm Isaac Nerble I discovered gravity when fruit from my local publix fell on my head." Yeah? Well Wilhelm M. Arschkriecher was so petty, he discovered a whole ass physical phenomenon just so he wouldn't admit his terrible cooking skills and it led to his murder.

Anyways, after Arschkriecher's inital experiment, as if by coincidence, he happened to begin experiencing fonk in many places in his life, for example his shower being too hot, his jokes being too unfunny, his wallet being too small for his 100's and 50's, things happening on certain days, no one asking, his costco membership card expiring, and his wii motion plus not calibrating. Arschkriecher noticed the similarities of this phenomena with his initial terrible breakfast, concluding that the various elements in his punk-ass existance were caused by a previously unknown phenomena. After performing some more tests that actually proved fonk's existance (you probably want to read about those, but we're not gonna tell you anything. ayo fuck relevant information, adhd information all the way).


Though fonk is typically seen for its negative effects, it is being used to generate power and some musicians use it when playing music.

Health effects and environmental consequences

Certain levels of fonk can have potentially dangerous effects on one's health, which are grouped into stages. These include:

With each level of fonk, the amount of time it takes to reach a certain stage can differ. The average times for an adult human are listed below:

Stage 1 Stage 2 Stage 3
4th dimensional fonk 2 hours of exposure 10 hours of exposure 2-3 days of exposure
5th dimensional fonk 30 minutes of exposure 3 hours of exposure 8 hours of exposure
6th dimensional fonk 5 minutes of exposure 30 minutes of exposure 1 hour of exposure

Fonk can also have many negative effects on the environment. One example of this is the fonk exclusion zone. After receiving high levels of fonk, many ecosystems being to collapse due to the widespread contamination of many flora and fauna. Plants wilt or change their form, engorging or disforming, and animals feel the effects of fonk in its 3 stages, oftentimes faster than humans. If exposed for long enough, many ecosystems will eventually adapt to high levels of fonk. Organisms will evolve to become acclimatized to it and ecosystems will continue as normal, despite their changed appearance or structure.

Countermeasures and controversy